How I Got Into Music Therapy

Through listening to a few great podcasts, like The Music Therapy with Janice Harris and Music Therapy Round Table, I have grown to realize that every music therapist came upon the profession a little differently. I guess I always knew this, but it has come to my attention a little more lately, so I thought I'd follow suit and give my little story.

I've been singing since before I can remember. My dad sang in a men's chorus and the church choir and, being a little boy, I wanted to be just like Dad. I remember singing the liturgy in church and I remember singing "Silent Night" by myself for church when I was about 5. It makes sense, then, that I focused much of my efforts in school on music. I always got good parts in little plays and musical productions, mostly because there were not a lot of other boys that wanted to do them. I don't think I ever made the conscious thought that "I want to make music for my life's work", but I think that, deep down, I always just wanted to make music as a career.

While I was developing as a musician, I also started finding that my friends would come to me when they needed to talk or needed support. I was good at keeping secrets and giving a different perspective on hard situations. People seemed to like that about me. Eventually, even people I didn't really hang out with would tell me their problems. This was around high school and it was about that time that I thought I could make a career helping people. I initially was thinking about counseling or psychology.

During my junior year, when all teachers start saying things like "When you get out of high school..." or "In a real job, you will have to/can't get away with..." and really started trying to get us to think about college or what jobs we wanted. I talked to my mom about wanting to do something with music but also liking the idea of helping people. She is a substitute teacher, so she took a prep hour and looked up various careers, printed out a list, and brought them home. She never said, "You should do this," which is good, because knowing myself at that point, I probably would have done the opposite. Music therapy was listed on the front page of the stack, though, and it immediately caught my attention. I spent some time on the American Music Therapy Association website and knew that's what I wanted to do.

I guess I got lucky, because I didn't really know anything about music therapy before going to school for it. I chose my college based on who had good programs in the Midwest. If music therapy hadn't worked out, my life would be a lot different that it is now. I can do my next post on how I chose which field of music therapy I wanted to work in, but I think this is enough for today.

Have a great weekend!

How Hospice Works Affects My: Priorities

This post is on how hospice work affects my priorities. Specifically, I'm talking about priorities related to home/work balance. This issue can be a slight point of contention with people I care about.

Before you think anything, let me explain. I understand that boundaries need to be set between my job and me to prevent burnout and healthy relationships outside of work. I do my best to do this, but I'm still learning, so my work sneaks up on me occasionally. I know this is something I need to continue working on. The thing that makes it hard is that I really enjoy my job and people tend to think about the things they enjoy. You can start to see my dilemma, here.

I think that this issue is compounded by the fact that I see clients and families at one of their most vulnerable moments. By the time they are involved with hospice, many of them have tried all other treatments and they see hospice as "giving up", which it is not. They just want themselves, their mom, their dad, brother, sister, or spouse to be comfortable. That is really where hospice workers shine the most. As a music therapist, I tend to get some special treatment, I admit. Many people, even if they do not understand that what I'm doing with them is therapeutic, enjoy and look forward to my next visit. People I visit benefit from my visits, which makes me feel better, which makes me enjoy my job more. See how this cycle continues? I see people when they need the most help, whether that is a physical, legal/financial, spiritual, or emotional issue they are dealing with. As a hospice worker, my heart naturally wants to help and be with these people and be there for them. I want to give them all the treatment they need, but there are not enough hours in a day to accomplish that task.

This can manifest itself in my everyday life through the choices I make regarding vacation time, travel schedule, my weekly schedule, and extra activities. As I said before, I know I should not be thinking about work all the time when I'm not on the clock. I am trying to be better at it, and I think this blog is helping me to regulate that through critically thinking about my work/home habits. If you have any tips or stories about how work, whether you're a music therapist, hospice worker, or have a completely different job, please let me know.

How Hospice Works Affects My: Hobbies

This post is about how being hospice music therapist has affected my personal life by changing what I do for fun. As you can guess, my work can get pretty emotionally intense, although it is not as "doom and gloom" as some think. All this can have a pretty big impact on what I do with the rest of my week. After thinking about it, I've come to realize that I tend to do one of two things when it comes to my hobbies the rest of the week. I tend to either do something that uses my brain a lot, but not thinking about hospice, or I do something that my brain can go on autopilot for.

An example of the "autopilot" activities is cycling. I have a friend who is really big into bicycles and got me into it. I never really cared either way about cycling before, but he is so into it that I got sucked in. It's funny how when you find someone really fired up about something, it gets contagious. Basically, when I get out riding, I don't really think about anything. I get a nice workout and feel great when I get back, both physically and mentally. The things that make my brain work a lot and focus on what I'm doing instead of hospice are things like songwriting or reading. I try to read at least a half hour a day, if not more. I do songwriting whenever I have an inspiration. The songs usually start in my car, where I write the lyrics and then get home and try to put the lyrics and melody I created to chords and get the rest of it figured out.

I was thinking about my hobbies and how they help me and how I could make this post applicable to anyone. I think it all boils down to taking care of yourself and not obsessing about one thing. It's almost never a good thing to do that. I think part of taking care of yourself is taking your mind off things. By thinking about one thing all the time, you are putting yourself at risk of burnout. When people get burned out, they don't care about their work and they usually start to do poorly in the work place. In hospice, caring and doing a good job are paramount to our patients getting the care and quality of life they deserve. It is the epitome of a lose-lose situation when you're burned out - you don't want to be there and the people you are with suffer for it. I think this is true for anyone, whether you are a music therapist, teacher, nurse, electrician, etc.

I encourage you to take a few minutes and think about your hobbies. Do they contrast your work? Do they exist at all? How do they affect your patients? How do they affect you? If you realize you don't really have any hobbies that take your mind off work, make a plan and start one. Even something as simple as knitting or getting an exercise program can drastically help.

What are your hobbies?

How Hospice Works Affects My: Goodbyes

Hey all,

First off, I'd like to apologize for not posting as often as I ought to. Suffice it to say that it has been a pretty crazy few weeks.

I've recently begun to realize how working in hospice care has changes how I've lived my life. It's nothing Earth shattering, but there are just some subtle things that may seem odd to people who don't understand that hospice "lifestyle." So I'd like to do a few posts on specific things that I have noticed in myself. I may make these insights out to be rather melodramatic, but I think they are valid and worth considering.

The obvious choice for me to start is goodbyes. In hospice care, I can never be too sure that I will see any of my clients again before they die. Think about it: we share this really incredible time, sing songs, tell stories, sometimes laugh, sometimes cry, and then we part ways. It almost sounds like what happens when I get together with friends, right? The big difference is that I know the person I'm sharing this time with is dying. There isn't necessarily a "see you later" or a "I'll talk to you soon" after I have a music therapy session with my clients. There is sometimes a "I'll try to stop by and see you again" and a "take care." But very rarely do I say, "I'll see you later." There are really only goodbyes to be said and you need to make them count. If I say, "I'll see you later," and they die before I do, I feel terrible, like I've let them down. I try not to get stressed out (although I'm not always successful) but that is a surefire way to make me feel tense.

How, then, should I remedy this situation? I make sure that every time I leave someone, I've left on the best possible terms. Saying these goodbyes can be a little tiresome at times, but, for me, it beats the alternative. When you say "Goodbye" so make times a day, it becomes a habit. Now, I try to make sure that all my conversations or visits end on good terms. This can take different looks, and some of them might not be easily noticed. One example is that I always say, "I love you" to my wife after talking on the phone, even if it's just a one minute talk where I have to ask her some mundane question. It also means that I like to give out hugs to people when we part ways. After all, nothing is guaranteed, especially life. Say your goodbyes as if (God forbid) you might be hit by a bus or struck by lightning before you see them again.

I'm not saying these things to sound like a saint. I'm simply trying to put my finger on what it is that saying "Goodbye" should really mean. As people, we meet and leave so many people each day and I think we, as people, take life for granted sometimes. The person who gets your coffee for you, works at the bank, takes your messages, comes home to you, and talks to you on the phone all deserve a proper goodbye. Tell them "Thank you" and make sure they know you appreciate them. People need to hear that, especially people who are in a therapeutic relationship with you. Music therapists, especially those in hospice care, need to make sure they are affirming the clients and staff they work with through goodbyes.

So, next time you are saying "Goodbye", I hope you think about what you are saying to them. Make sure your "Goodbye" is one you can end with.

Fall Memorial Service #1

On Thursday night, I participated in a community memorial service for one of my offices and I just wanted to do a little recap and reflect on it.

I did a few prelude of a few songs. I did "Sand and Water" by Beth Nielsen Chapman and "In My Life" by the Beatles. 

For the service itself, I did a few songs that I wrote. One of them was "I Know", which I posted about in an earlier blog. I prefaced it by talking about how, as hospice workers, we truly care about how the surviving family members cope and that we cared deeply for our patients. I did another original called "Taking You With Me", which is about how people who have died live through our memories of them. They live through thoughts, love, and moments they they've shared.

After the service, a few people came up to me and asked if I had CDs to sell. It meant a lot to me. More than last year, especially. Last year, at this time, I had only been seeing clients for about a month, so didn't have strong relationships with the families yet. This year, however, I recognized a majority of the people who attended as they were families of clients I saw throughout the year. My emotions were also touched more, because when people talked and cried about their loved ones, I knew and could still visualize those people. It was hard to sing, especially "I Know", without crying, but I managed to get through it.

Overall, I thought that there was a lot of good sharing and transitioning at the service. I also enjoyed the chance to reconnect with some of the families that I had grown close to over the last year. I hope that next year, I will be able to still be a part of this great company and helping make the lives of patients and families more special and enriched.

Septemer 11th - Music for national healing

Today is the tenth anniversary of the terrible attacks on the World Trade Center and, in some ways, the wounds still feel fresh. I specifically remember sitting in science class my freshman year of high school. It was early in the day and the teacher was watching television, told us to sit down and watch, and we did. We just watched the smoke billowing out of this building I had never heard of before. As we watched for the next two days, we learned a lot about life. We learned about hatred, we learned about resilience, and learned what real heroes looked like. We saw a plane fly into the second tower and could do nothing but watch as a few thousand people died, right on television. We saw police officers and firefighters fight the debris, trying to find jsut one more person they could help out of the rubble.

I know I'm not alone in my experience. The media still talks about it and a new sense of American pride began to manifest itself in songs about national pride. People took all stances to the mayhem. Toby Keith, very angry, states his case in "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue."

I personally don't agree with Mr. Keith. The anger, I think, was felt by millions of people, but the jump to immediate violence, I don't believe is the correct answer. I feel this anger is misdirected sadness and there are more appropriate ways to deal with this grief.

Others stood with stoicism and sang the Star Spangled Banner and Amazing Grace. It seems that everybody took these songs much more serious after 9/11. 

The song that most touched me, though, at this time was a song that seemed to symbolize the struggle of rebuilding and realizing that nothing would ever be the same again. This song reminds of the people who helped others during this time. To me, it talks about feeling invincible only to be knocked down and hurt. But it also gets back up. It's called "Superman" by Five for Fighting.

What were songs that you remember from that time? What meaning to they carry for you now?

Story: Right in the Butt

This week, I have a story. It's by the same patient who stated she planted all the tulips in Holland (http://odeenmusictherapy.blogspot.com/2011/03/story-all-tulips-in-holland.html).

Although she doesn't have dementia as a diagnosis, her memory is poor. She will tell you the same stories from session to session, and sometimes even multiple times a session. She has all the spunk in the world and she'll always point at you and say, "Now, you know me. I ain't lying. I tell it to you straight. If you don't like the truth, get out of the way!" She's also very religious, which makes this story all the more entertaining.

This is the story as I most recently heard it:
Did I ever tell you about the time I met the Pope? I was invited to a banquet in Chicago and the Pope was there. After dinner, the Pope came up to me and we started talking. As we were talking, he started smarting off to me. Now, you know me. I don't take that from anybody. So, I told him he'd better watch his mouth. And you know what he did? He smarted off to me again! So, I kicked him. I kicked him right in the butt. You should have seen the look on his face when I did that! Now, I ain't lying. I tell it to you straight. I don't take smarting off from anybody.

I hope anybody reading this does not take offense to this, or any other stories that I post. In no way am I intending to make fun of the clients I see. I am simply trying to humanize them, and show readers who do not work in hospice, what kind of characters we get. Hospice is not about death, but about life. Death is just a small part of what we work with. Life, such as the life of this particular client, is what gets us hospice workers up in the morning.

Hope you all have a great Labor Day weekend! Make sure you don't smart off to anyone. You never know if you'll get kicked in the butt!