Loss and the Holidays

I don't have a very long time to write, as I am at my in-laws with a little down time. I wanted to take a little time to talk about dealing with people dealing with loss around the holidays. For a majority of people, the holidays are seen as a time of family, fun, and celebration but for many people, holiday celebrations are just a reminder of the loved one whom they may have lost. It's important that we give people space, acknowledging their loss, but still not alienating them if they should still want to celebrate. In my experience, people who aren't grieving may have misconceptions of how the bereaved person should cope. Some want the bereaved to "get over it" and join in the fun, while others assume that the bereaved will not want to take part in anything even remotely associated with happiness or joy.

I played at a memorial service for a client who I had only seen once (in which she was unresponsive), so I did not have the opportunity to build up a great relationship with her. Her daughter, however, wanted me to play at the memorial service. When choosing music, she said she wanted celebratory songs and at least one Christmas song. I chose "Away in the Manger" because of the last verse: "Be near me Lord Jesus, I ask thee to stay close by me forever and love me I pray, bless all the dear children in thy tender care and take me to Heaven to live with thee there." I thought it was very bold to want a Christmas song and, as I was playing it, I could feel the tension in the room. It's very hard to reconcile the joy of the holiday season with the grief of loss and it's something that thousands of people struggle with every year.

I guess the point this little story is this: Don't assume that everyone is having a "merry" Christmas. If you know someone who is grieving this holiday season, don't assume you know what's best for them.

I hope everyone reading this has a very blessed Christmas and peaceful New Year!