Breathing in, breathing out

There have been several life changes for lately. Pretty big ones. I don't want to get into everything that happened, but let's suffice it to say that stress abounds. I have had to implement my own relaxation techniques to keep above water sometimes. I've been doing relaxation exercises with clients and started a relaxation group in my internship. I should have this relaxation thing figured out, right? Sure, if you count knowing and not doing it. Actually doing it, however, is a different story.

I have started to really re-evaluate how I take care of myself starting with how I perceive and deal with stress in my body. I'm starting simply by paying attention to breath. Breathing, it seems obvious to say, is your body's attempt to fuel your body, bring life-sustaining oxygen into your body, and remove poisonous carbon dioxide. Breath can not only keep your body moving, but is also a fairly reliable way to convey emotions. Fast, shallow breaths can convey anxiety. Slow, deep breaths can show a sense of peace and calmness. Being aware of how we breathe may make us aware of emotions and physical sensations that we, as busy modern people, tend to push down and ignore. I've started to take five minutes each day and just breathe.

I encourage anyone reading this to do likewise. Start by sitting in a comfortable position, feet on the floor, shoulders hanging loosely. I usually put on some music and just breathe, concentrating on how it feels to breathe, and trying to pay attention only to my breath or the music. I never try to change how I'm breathing, because I don't want to change how I feel. I simply want to experience the way my body feels and my emotions. By feeling, experiencing, and breathing, I'm able to manage my stress and start to relax.

Sorry for the short post. With Easter travels around the corner, I need to start packing!

Insights: Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace seems to be the quintessential hymn of the United States. People from almost all Christian faiths, and even some who really have no affiliation with Christianity, find comfort in this hymn. Case in point, I seem to play Amazing Grace at least once a day. I try to get away from it sometimes, but it always comes creeping back up. As I've sung it over and over and over, and gotten to the point where sometimes I tend to zone out while I play it, I've had a few personal insights about this hymn that I feel compelled to share.

Insight #1 - Word usage in this song can be a little demeaning, I think. This of course depends on the patient, but sometimes I have a hard time calling someone a "wretch". Say that word out loud. Let the sounds slowly roll off your tongue. It's an ugly word. According to dictionary.com, a wretch is a) a deplorably unfortunate or unhappy person or b) a person of despicable or base character. Working in hospice, the last thing I want to do it tell people they are despicable or deplorable. Even some churches have a hard time with this word, too. One church I went to changed the wording from "that saved a wretch like me" to "that saved and set me free." Not a bad change, I suppose, but anytime I've tried that, it doesn't come out feeling natural. Instead, I have taken to using the word "soul" instead of "wretch". Just the vowels alone make a big difference for me. The e vowel in "wretch", to me, sounds tight, pinched off, and I can't say it without bearing my teeth on some level. My body tends to feel like the sounds and faces I'm making. How can I help someone feel comforted or relaxed when I'm making that face. The o vowel is "soul" sounds, to me, to be open, pure, and vulnerable, just like I want my clients to be with me, and vice versa. I should not expect my client to open up to me when I'm presenting him or her with a closed off appearance and actions. 


Insight #2 - The melody of Amazing Grace is easily recognized with everyone I've met on a therapeutic level. Because of the tune's recognition, it automatically can tie in with people's emotions. I have seen many people cry, even weep, while hearing this song. Sometimes the tears seem to be from sadness at having to let a loved one die, sometimes from relief,  and sometimes from just having to release all the tension they've been feeling for so long. If this hymn, which was first published in 1779, can be so powerful, how much more powerful can it be when it is personalized to the client. I have tried to add improvised verses for people and changed words within the verses ("When you've been there ten thousand years..."), which has seems to make it more meaningful for clients. One extra verse, which I learned in my internship, has consistently achieved a deeper connection, however. I tend to use this verse when a client is imminent especially when his or her family is present. To the same melody, I'll sing: 
     Dear Charlie (client's name), you are loved, you are loved, you are loved. 
     Dear Charlie, you are loved so much. 
     Dear Charlie, you are loved by your family and God above. 
     Dear Charlie, you are loved. You are loved.
By using this verse, I'm validating the client and letting them know they are loved by their family. Simultaneously, I'm validating the family and letting them know I can sense the love they have for their mother, father, sister, brother, or friend. It's a simple verse, but has had a large impact on how I approach this song. 


Those are all the insights I have at this time. I hope that you all have a great weekend!

Story: Look Homeward, Angel

This story happened in my internship. I had a client, who I'll call Mary, who was in her late 80s. She had lived a very interesting life, having had several husbands, all of whom were involved in music somehow. Some were leaders of big bands, some were regional DJs, and some of whom just went to as many concerts as conceivably possible. She talked about how she had seen music progress and change throughout her life and, although she had differing views as to its value at times, she was always pleased to see progress. My supervisor, in her great wisdom, told me after hearing about Mary that I could not go into a session with Mary with any pre-composed music. At first it really scared me to think about that. Pre-composed music (meaning anything that's already been written) is pretty much the staple of how I do things. I like to write music, but the idea of improvising music on the spot really intimidated me.

I decided to be open and honest with my client, and said, "I like to write music, Mary, but sometimes I'm afraid I'll just make mistakes trying to hard." Mary looked at me, right in the eyes, and said, "The only mistake you can make is not seeing the potential in your mess ups." That quote might be the single most influential thing someone has said to me.

Later that session, she said to me, "I'm trying to remember a song. I think my husband wrote it. The beginning goes like this: 'Look homeward, angel, and tell me what you see, Do the folks I used to know still remember me.' Do you know it?" Of course I did not know it (she said she wasn't even sure he had ever recorded it) so she said, "Well, then. Make it up." We then wrote this song together, called Look Homeward, Angel. I originally wanted to post a video, but apparently I'm not that technologically advanced (or my computer has been dropped one too many times), so I'll write out the lyrics and let you make up the melody yourself. I think Mary would want it that way.

Look homeward, angel, tell me what you see.
Do the folks I used to know still remember me?

Look homeward, angel, and tell me what you smell.

Are there flowers all around you, more than you can tell?

Look homeward, angel, tell me what you feel.

Is the light that covers you so warm and surreal?

Look homeward, angel, tell me what you hear.

Is the song that you're singing telling me you're near?