Hey all,
First off, I'd like to apologize for not posting as often as I ought to. Suffice it to say that it has been a pretty crazy few weeks.
I've recently begun to realize how working in hospice care has changes how I've lived my life. It's nothing Earth shattering, but there are just some subtle things that may seem odd to people who don't understand that hospice "lifestyle." So I'd like to do a few posts on specific things that I have noticed in myself. I may make these insights out to be rather melodramatic, but I think they are valid and worth considering.
The obvious choice for me to start is goodbyes. In hospice care, I can never be too sure that I will see any of my clients again before they die. Think about it: we share this really incredible time, sing songs, tell stories, sometimes laugh, sometimes cry, and then we part ways. It almost sounds like what happens when I get together with friends, right? The big difference is that I know the person I'm sharing this time with is dying. There isn't necessarily a "see you later" or a "I'll talk to you soon" after I have a music therapy session with my clients. There is sometimes a "I'll try to stop by and see you again" and a "take care." But very rarely do I say, "I'll see you later." There are really only goodbyes to be said and you need to make them count. If I say, "I'll see you later," and they die before I do, I feel terrible, like I've let them down. I try not to get stressed out (although I'm not always successful) but that is a surefire way to make me feel tense.
How, then, should I remedy this situation? I make sure that every time I leave someone, I've left on the best possible terms. Saying these goodbyes can be a little tiresome at times, but, for me, it beats the alternative. When you say "Goodbye" so make times a day, it becomes a habit. Now, I try to make sure that all my conversations or visits end on good terms. This can take different looks, and some of them might not be easily noticed. One example is that I always say, "I love you" to my wife after talking on the phone, even if it's just a one minute talk where I have to ask her some mundane question. It also means that I like to give out hugs to people when we part ways. After all, nothing is guaranteed, especially life. Say your goodbyes as if (God forbid) you might be hit by a bus or struck by lightning before you see them again.
I'm not saying these things to sound like a saint. I'm simply trying to put my finger on what it is that saying "Goodbye" should really mean. As people, we meet and leave so many people each day and I think we, as people, take life for granted sometimes. The person who gets your coffee for you, works at the bank, takes your messages, comes home to you, and talks to you on the phone all deserve a proper goodbye. Tell them "Thank you" and make sure they know you appreciate them. People need to hear that, especially people who are in a therapeutic relationship with you. Music therapists, especially those in hospice care, need to make sure they are affirming the clients and staff they work with through goodbyes.
So, next time you are saying "Goodbye", I hope you think about what you are saying to them. Make sure your "Goodbye" is one you can end with.
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